Tuesday, March 26, 2002

Well, the Bachelor was funny. I know that's probably a strange word for it, but it was. 25 women all go into a party in formal dresses to compete for one guy. Boy, is that an ego trip for him, or what? And how sexist is that anyway? I think there should be 25 men vying for one woman. Do we really need any more conceited men? Not that women are perfect, there's no gender war here, but I think in light of historical male domination, we should start with it the other way around. Anyways, I had mixed feelings about the whole premise, but it was still interesting to watch and somewhat funny.

I have a friend and it's very weird, because I can visibly tell that this friend used to be allowed access to the inner sanctum of my heart, but I have firmly and possibly permanently shut the door to my heart with Friend X on the outside. And it's funny because this all occurred because of broken trust, but we made up and now Friend X thinks everything is fine. And I just find it all strange, because I and everyone else has done this shutting out thing before, but I don't think I ever really knew I was doing it, or was conscious of when it happened. I just woke up one day and realized they were on the outside and I was on the inside and the two would never meet again. So, I wonder what will happen next with Friend X. Will X come knocking and try to open the door again? Will a new friendship grow outside the door? Will Friend X drift away? I know I sound detached, but I really see it as something of a research project. I just wonder how it will all play out and what the major mitigating factors will be. I'll definitely keep you posted. And you keep me posted if you ever feel you heart door shutting. If it happens without your knowledge, you should definitely ask why. I think when my heart door shut without my say so it was when I was too young to know it was happening. Also, could've been I was too out-of-tune with what was happening inside me because of the clamor of life. More heart-renching stories later. Adios for now.

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