Pathetic beyond all doubt

Beware: You may get more stupid after reading this blog.

Alternatively, you might get inspired to get further education; we'll see.

I was just watching a Taco Bell commercial for some new item they are selling where dopey-looking people (that's a technical term) hold the burrito or whatever it is arm's length away from their faces while staring blankly into the camera. Strung between their slack jaws and hands is a long string of melted cheese. While the "advertising intelligence" that went into this is appalling it doesn't even compare to what came next. The commercial shows different people all over a city in this same grotestesque pose and one of the shots is of men in business suits sitting on what I assume are supposed to be courthouse steps. Apparently this isn't "hip" enough for Taco Bell's advertising audience, so in the background you can see numerous teenagers attired in complete safety equipment doing skateboarding jumps on the steps. And although they are in the background of the shot for all of 1.5 seconds, a message flashes across the bottom: Professional skateboarders. Do not attempt. And how does my amazing brain work? This is how. I begin to ask myself: Who does that? Whose job is it to scan through commercials before they are aired and make sure any split-second instance of skateboarding or other "extreme sports" is covered with a disclaimer at the bottom? Is that seriously someone's job? If so, I am SO GLAD I'm going to graduate school, if solely to avoid a destiny of that bottom-dwelling magnitude. Thank GOD there was that disclaimer or I was going to run over to my local county courthouse and start bungee-jumping from the leaves of the Corinthian columns!

Why don't we use THE more?

People from out of (the) town always comment on how we call our freeways The 5, The 55 and The 405.

I was watching The Good Shepherd today and I liked this quote from it:

Someone asked me why when we talk about CIA, we dont say "the CIA" , and I told him, "You don't say 'the' when talking about God."

Body by Jake or Body by God?

So today I stopped into my local Borders to find some new reading. I picked up three books from the fiction table and then wandered over to my favorite place in any big-box bookstore. The Christian Living/Religion/Christian Inspiration section. I paged through Jesus of Suburbia by Mike Erre before this title caught my eye: Body by God. I kid you not, it's the EXACT same cover as Body for Life (in case you don't know, it was a hit diet/exercise book circa 2003-2004. I only know because my roommate at the time bought it and it was always lying around. I think the big draw was something about 4-minute workouts.) Anyway, it's distinctive (ahem, rip-off) cover caught my attention, so I flipped over to the back and received this little gem:

"Your body is by God. God preprogrammed you to look great, have outrageous health and experience incredible happiness."

Seriously? Because I've actually read the Bible and I was immediately reminded of a couple of key verses from that important Book, such as:

He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. - Isaiah 53:2 (NIV)
(And that's the big J, JESUS we're talking about here, folks. Not just some hack like you or me. He was seriously not AT ALL good-looking, and definitely NOT preprogrammed to look great.)

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below." -Exodus 20:4 (NIV)

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. -2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

And although I know Jesus was resigned to going to the Cross for us, I don't think he would have gone so far as describing it as "incredible happiness."

Yeah, I was just pretty much floored. Because Mike Erre was right in his book, most people have apparently never actually read the Gospels...not only that, but I also enjoyed these other gems:

Stress Management - If you are stressed, it's hard to manage, but "Peace by God" is something you can experience by reprogramming the way you look at, and react to, the stress in your life.

(Last time I checked, I didn't see anything about "reprogramming" myself in that chapter about the peace that passes all understanding. I think it just said to pray and give God all my worries.)

Time Management - Double and even quadruple the amount of time you have in a week (it's a MIRACLE!!! Somebody call St. Thomas!) by learning how to "Schedule your life" (wow, did we really need air quotes for that? I think the term schedule your life is fairly ordinary these days) and how you can "Paint solid yellow lines around Time by God." (italics and bold sic)

Wow, I think God will really appreciate us painting those fierce yellow lines around "His" time. I don't know about you, but I drive over those yellow lines on the freeway on pretty much a weekly basis...oops, m-my bad.

You know I have been accused of being a mocker when it comes to cheesy Christian paraphernalia and cheesy Christian culture, and I am trying to love my brothers and sisters despite their penchant for stamping things with fishes, but some things are just screaming out to be mocked...