I'm not that patriotic

I have a lot of memories from school days. I think because they didn't happen at home, I didn't block them out as much. I was reading something earlier that reminded me of all the patriotic songs we sang in school. I remember saying the Pledge of Allegiance almost everyday in elementary school. I personally think should be replaced with a "Pledge to Promise to Vote When I Turn 18" at least that's useful. And as I read that first line, My Country Tis of Thee, I realized it's the one song that makes everyone's voice sound good. I used to go to a lot of auditions in high school and people always sang Happy Birthday because they could remember the words on the spot if they hadn't prepared. But Happy Birthday makes anyone's voice sound horrible unless you're Whitney Houston. My country 'tis of thee is in the right pitch so that anyone can sing it and everyone is familiar with the melody, so as long as you hit that and just keep things smooth, you're golden.

This prompted me to look up the words beyond the famous 1st verse. I really like them, they're almost like a hymn. I'm not that patriotic, but they resonated with me. While I don't need flag decals on my bumper, I do love our country and think it's beautiful and worthy of a song like this.

1. My country,' tis of thee,
sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing;
land where my fathers died,
land of the pilgrims' pride,
from every mountainside let freedom ring!

2. My native country, thee,
land of the noble free, thy name I love;
I love thy rocks and rills,
thy woods and templed hills;
my heart with rapture thrills, like that above.

3. Let music swell the breeze,
and ring from all the trees sweet freedom's song;
let mortal tongues awake;
let all that breathe partake;
let rocks their silence break, the sound prolong.

4. Our fathers' God, to thee,
author of liberty, to thee we sing;
long may our land be bright
with freedom's holy light;
protect us by thy might, great God, our King.

the State of my Heart

Lord, I want to follow You.

I want to live for You more than anything except...

I want Your will for me except...

I love when Your hand is on my life except...

God, why is my heart divided? Why do I love You so much and feel such deep gratitude for who you are and yet want my own ways? Why do I want to make my own life built upon my own demands? This desire for my own desires is SO strong. I want to live out my own creations, instead of the life You are creating for me.

Lord, I love you.

Help me love you.

Nothing brings back the joie de vivre like a truly hot man.

Seriously, could he BE any hotter? This is the prettiest man I have ever seen.









My favorite song from the album is:
The Heart Of Life

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
so turn off your tears
and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
no it wont all go the way
it should
but I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothin' new
bad news never had good timing
then the circle of your friends
will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
no it won't all go the way
it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
fear is a friend who is
misunderstood
but I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good, I know it's good
oh i know it's good

oh i do i do i do

oh i know its good

Bird by Bird

So I'm over it. I just am. I can't muster up any excitement about things right now. And somehow, I think God is using the counterintuitiveness of it all to teach me about life. I want my life to go in an upward slant, always climbing toward higher and higher peaks; I have made a life out of seeking God and pursuing knowledge of God and intimacy with Him.

BUT (that's a big but), sometimes life is circular. Sometimes it goes down one lane and that lane has a sign posted: Not a Through Street and I have to follow life back out that street and take a left to the next stop on the way.

I don't expect that. God is surprising me. But I'm thankful for it.

Today I drove to work and while I was driving this amazing calm came over me. I realized again how absolutely nothing can separate me from God's love. Nothing I do or don't do can change that He is enthralled me, as a mother is with her baby. I am the anxiety queen. I spend hours fretting over things I want to change. I spend nights awake (literally) over mistakes I might have made. My anxiety eats at my brain. I fixate on something I might have screwed up and I suck on it until all the flavor of life is gone. But even in the midst of this thorn in my side, God gives me momentary relief. This morning I saw the mountains. I saw the clouds. I got view. View so wide my eyes can't encompass it. And I remembered. I remembered Eden. Eden. The place I was made for. A safe place.

Ship-building anyone?

“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.”
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery