Stumbling

I'm currenty reading Stumbling Toward Faith by Renee Altson. I read the first half last night and then couldn't get to sleep. I kept hearing clicking noises like someone was coming in to get me. I know it was just my ceiling fan and my paranoia, but it was still terrifying. Also I am home alone this week. Only after perusing the site today did I see the disclaimer: please note that this (excerpt) could be triggering to others who have been abused. Well, thanks for the warning. Even if you haven't been abused this book is disturbing and yet beautiful in its intensity. Anyway, I will only read it at lunch today and then I'll be fine by the time bedtime rolls around. The whole episode made me realize that even though I knew I was safe, the danger is not "out there", it comes from inside me. There will always be the residue of these wounds on my soul, and there will always be little physical reminders of how I am scarred. My birthday this year was another instance of this...I can rationalize and cling to God's wisdom that everything will be fine and embrace His freedom from despair, but there will always be this anxious residue on my soul. Because in a way others may never know, I know that the world will never be completely safe for me.