The pen is mightier than the sword

In this post, I was reacting to quite a lot of hurt and frustration with the Experiment. It got me in trouble. There was some concern about who might look bad because of it. And that made me wonder if I would look bad. And for a while I thought, Gosh, I don't want to look bad in church. I don't want to hurt any people in church. Because I LOVE my church. Rockharbor has shepherded me, pastored me, cared for me. Most of the spiritual growth I've done was during services, crying at the crosses, asking Jesus to forgive me and those who've sinned against me. Asking Jesus for his nourishment, to feed me with the Eucharist, with his body and blood. To allow me to be in Holy Communion with his saints and convince me that he'll always feed me, even when I can't feed myself. Most of my healing from past spiritual abuse occurred in the context of co-leading a life group. Working out community with people in love and commitment to our mutual development, despite our total depravity, despite falling victim over and over to the same sins.

BUT--- But --- but....I guess I should've known not to expect too much when I look back now and realize we all applied to be celebrities. We all applied to be photographed like Britney Spears and I mean seriously, look at the devastation that has ensued for her. We are fragile human beings and must treat one another as such. We must treat each other with relentless tenderness despite the thorny responses we get. Any group that gets together and wants to serve the Lord by showing others "how it's done" is a big piece of crappy fly-ridden lies and only setting itself up for implosion. Although we were within the context of the church, we had no idea what we were doing or where we were going. And I sold little pieces of my soul along the way. I'm not mad, it's no one's fault but my own, but I'm saddened and disturbed at the parts of my soul that I now find missing when I'm searching for Jesus.

The most profound thing I learned in the Experiment is that God could not F-ing care whether or not we have a big darn vision. To quote Garrett, "God isn't interested in turning the oceanliner around. He is trying to sink the oceanliner and send us all out in rowboats."

He wants us to do small things with great love. He doesn't need you to start crusades under Billy Bob Ministries and drive a Rolls Royce. Also he doesn't hate the rich. If you're rich, that's what you are, just like I'm brown-eyed and can't do nothing about it. So enjoy it, give lots away, lavish it on those who've never had that, die completely broke and honor the Lord. Take care of your family
(um, and by care I don't mean help them learn to luxuriate in fine things). Teach your children the commandments. Read the Bible for what it really says. And stop trying to outdo God with your big vision. For what does the Lord require of you but to love justice and do mercy and walk humbly with your God.

The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community even if their intentions are ever so earnest. But the person who loves those around them will create community. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It's not easy to grasp a vision for the world that is a kingdom or an empire bigger than Rome, but as small as a mustard seed. This is the God who creates the universe, but chooses to be born in a manger. - Shane Claiborne

Complexity

I had this thought in class today:

Of course it's hard to understand humans. We're made in the image of God, and who's more complex than God?

5 things you should know

1. If you're going to be counseling anyone, anywhere it is imperative that you attend at least 10 counseling sessions yourself.

2. Never, and I mean NEVER try to drive and Blackberry at the same time. It is very dangerous.

3. Unicorns are never extinct in your imagination.

4. Coffee is good for the brain and the soul.

5. Que-sa-dilla is NOT Spanish for "What's the deal?!"

Now it's your turn...tell me 5 things I should know...:)

Blessed and Dispossessed

I am reading a commentary on justice in the Old Testament that talks about Jesus being partial to the dispossessed. Some excerpts:

"It is significant that the story of Israel's birth (and therefore our birth as a community of faith) begins not in a moment of nationalistic triumph but in a context of slavery and oppression...This portrait of numbing oppression sets not only the social context but the theological context for the events of Exodus. It is not in Israel's own resources that power can be found to oppose the oppressive power of the empire (pharaoh), but it is in the power of God. Therein lies hope that seem by human terms to lie beyond redemption."

God's identification with Hebrew slaves in Egypt reveals a fundamental partiality of God towards the dispossessed. Exodus is but the beginning of a long list of canonical witnesses to God's special care for the poor, the hungry, the oppressed, the exploited, the suffering."

This helps me remember again why He is my God. I've been searching for a word that describes my recent situation. Dispossessed is the right word.

Am I blessed? Oh yes. I just look at this computer I am typing on, my warm bed, my full cupboard and the fullness of God I am experiencing as I study His word and I know I am well kept under His wing.

But my reality is that I am also dispossessed. And when that sad reality grates on my soul, it's nice to remember that God isn't a god for the victorious Christians, the ones who write books about praying your way to happiness or changing your life daily, He's a God for those who can't help themselves. He's a God for those who are still in exile, still waiting for the promised land.

He's a God for the dispossessed.

He's a God for me.

And I am blessed to be one of His dispossessed.

I have a problem

Yup, the first step toward recovery is admitting you have a problem, so I'm doing just that. I have a problem. I can't write when forced to. When I want to write, I can't shutup. But when I am forced to by school, all of sudden it's time to eat, watch TV, surf facebook, talk on the phone, re-arrange the furniture, or anything else. Why is that??? I hate it.

I know what I should write. I have a plan for how this paper will go. But I am stubborn with myself. I have to admit it - my life is unmanageable when it comes to writing papers. And to top it off, I'm kind of angry that this is assigned over Thanksgiving. I can't give thanks when I'm trapped inside being forced to write academic papers.

And this is only the first of 3 due in the next two weeks....help me, Jesus.

How do you know it's a love letter?

Somewhere along the way, I picked up the idea that the Bible is "God's love letter to His people." While I don't think this isn't true, I am realizing I have allowed that idea to limit my view of the Scripture. It is so many things. It is the epic story. The story of a God and His people. The story of God declaring Who He Is over generations. The story of Him expanding and further expanding His dominion and glory.