The pen is mightier than the sword

In this post, I was reacting to quite a lot of hurt and frustration with the Experiment. It got me in trouble. There was some concern about who might look bad because of it. And that made me wonder if I would look bad. And for a while I thought, Gosh, I don't want to look bad in church. I don't want to hurt any people in church. Because I LOVE my church. Rockharbor has shepherded me, pastored me, cared for me. Most of the spiritual growth I've done was during services, crying at the crosses, asking Jesus to forgive me and those who've sinned against me. Asking Jesus for his nourishment, to feed me with the Eucharist, with his body and blood. To allow me to be in Holy Communion with his saints and convince me that he'll always feed me, even when I can't feed myself. Most of my healing from past spiritual abuse occurred in the context of co-leading a life group. Working out community with people in love and commitment to our mutual development, despite our total depravity, despite falling victim over and over to the same sins.

BUT--- But --- but....I guess I should've known not to expect too much when I look back now and realize we all applied to be celebrities. We all applied to be photographed like Britney Spears and I mean seriously, look at the devastation that has ensued for her. We are fragile human beings and must treat one another as such. We must treat each other with relentless tenderness despite the thorny responses we get. Any group that gets together and wants to serve the Lord by showing others "how it's done" is a big piece of crappy fly-ridden lies and only setting itself up for implosion. Although we were within the context of the church, we had no idea what we were doing or where we were going. And I sold little pieces of my soul along the way. I'm not mad, it's no one's fault but my own, but I'm saddened and disturbed at the parts of my soul that I now find missing when I'm searching for Jesus.

The most profound thing I learned in the Experiment is that God could not F-ing care whether or not we have a big darn vision. To quote Garrett, "God isn't interested in turning the oceanliner around. He is trying to sink the oceanliner and send us all out in rowboats."

He wants us to do small things with great love. He doesn't need you to start crusades under Billy Bob Ministries and drive a Rolls Royce. Also he doesn't hate the rich. If you're rich, that's what you are, just like I'm brown-eyed and can't do nothing about it. So enjoy it, give lots away, lavish it on those who've never had that, die completely broke and honor the Lord. Take care of your family
(um, and by care I don't mean help them learn to luxuriate in fine things). Teach your children the commandments. Read the Bible for what it really says. And stop trying to outdo God with your big vision. For what does the Lord require of you but to love justice and do mercy and walk humbly with your God.

The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community even if their intentions are ever so earnest. But the person who loves those around them will create community. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It's not easy to grasp a vision for the world that is a kingdom or an empire bigger than Rome, but as small as a mustard seed. This is the God who creates the universe, but chooses to be born in a manger. - Shane Claiborne