Wordpress

I've been using www.dawnrosalie.com to point to my blog for a while now, since Kevin graciously set me up a domain with GoDaddy. But it's time to move on into my 27th year (my favorite number, by the way, since I was 7) with a new look and a new home on the web.

So please update your bookmarks. The domain www.dawnrosalie.com should now take you to my blog hosted at dawnrosalie.wordpress.com but in case you're not using dawnrosalie as your bookmark, you can click on these links to take you there.

Let me know what you think about the new layout. :)

Does a black president signal the second coming?

What do you think about this? I'm not very political either way. I remain Republican because generally I'm for less government involvement (especially in the face of the failure of so many government programs to achieve what they hope to acheive). But I'm open to ideas from both sides.

And I'll admit - I was caught off guard a couple of months ago when I saw a sticker that said, got hope? and discovered it was selling Obama and not Jesus.

Que piensas?

Inspiration from the B side of Where the Light Is

No i'm not the one i used to be lately
See you met me at an interesting time
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before i let you inside

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

I will beg my way into your garden
I will break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where i started
So i can watch you back all over again

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

Who do you love?
Who do you love?
Who do you love me or the thought of me? me or the thought of me?

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever gets you through through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

the L word

I told him never to say it. But he broke the last rule.

And how anyone could've heard that and walked away....I just don't know, man...

I just don't know...

Go Deep and Go Wide

For my class this morning, I was assigned to read a book and then write a three page paper on it, summarizing the book for one page and then delving into one argument and discussing it for two pages.

One of the challenges in graduate study, apart from the requisite expectation of lack of sleep, is to broadly define and then specifically argue a topic. This often feels like an impossible task. How can I go so broad as to summarize a topic and then go so deep as to analyze it meaningfully? When you add in the third parameter of keeping all this to three short pages, I feel pressed from all sides.

How can I go deep while simulatenously going wide? And on top of all that, keep it short and concise? I have no answers today; just this one question I'm flinging out into the cosmic void.

That is all.

Christology and Soteriology

I'm taking a 2-week intensive for Systematic Theology 2: Christology and Soteriology with Veli-Matti Karkainnen. If those terms are foreign to you, join the club. They were foreign to me too. Essentially, Christology is the study of Jesus' "Messiah-ness" and Soteriology is the study of how we are saved or atoned for by Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection. If that still doesn't make sense, you can rest assured that scholars are coming out with the Global Dictionary of Theology soon.

This might sound dry, because we have to delve into the nuances of penal substitution, but it's a plethora of fascination I'm swimming in compared to Systematics 1: Theology and Anthropology wherein I kid you not, I read an entire book exegeting ONE word's appearance in the NT.

Someone used this phrase on an Amazon review...

"not an imiganitive one."

I heartily accept this spelling of the word imaginative, because if you think about it, it makes sense phonetically.

God Bless English, in and of its lovely self and as our national language.

On gay marriage

Below is my response to an email petition I received a couple of weeks ago.

Thanks for passing this petition.

Whatever you may think of marriage (to a same-sex partner or anyone else), the voters in California have already overwhelming voted to limit marriage to one man and one woman in a landslide vote of 61-39 on Proposition 22 a few years ago. As of now, California voters have already collected over 1.1 million signatures, enough to initiate a constitutional amendment to overturn this most recent ruling of the court. When the voters bring that amendment to the State constitution it will be fairly clear what the will of the people is. So there's no need to continue circulating this email.

That said, if you are over 18 it's important to educate yourself on the issues. Go here for a balanced argument for traditional marriage. First, it's not a religious right-wing issue and as a Christian myself, I wish people would look more closely at the implications it has for society at large. It's not just about "God's will" or stopping nice gay people from committing to each other, this ruling changes how our whole society will function and on what basis we will make people responsible for things. If a father marries his daughter (which this law would allow), he can make you as a tax-payer responsible for the children they produce when she gives them up to foster care (because a 10-year-old girl has no means to take care of a baby); and you will pay for that. Not to mention the social services we will need to take care of her emotional turmoil as a victim of incest. This is what could happen when we open the door to these kinds of laws without thinking critically about how it will play out. Just wanting your nice gay friends (and my nice gay friends) to be able to marry is not enough.

Secondly, The State Supreme Court does not have the right (literally) to overturn the will of the voters. The Governor says he will "respect" the will of the court but if you read his actual statements here you will see that he is abdicating his role as part of the executive branch (that's what we get for electing an actor!) by saying the courts and the voters should decide. Well, the voters have already decided with Prop 22 and if the voters bring an amendment to the State constitution, the Governor should listen to them and consider their voice. If you want to make a difference, the best way is to call or write your elected officials and the Governor and ask them to listen to the will of the people. Because realistically, they will be in office a few short years, but we as citizens will have to live with this decision for a long time.

I'm in favor of people thinking critically about the real outcome before making up your mind. This is an emotionally charged issue, but it's not an issue we should decide based on only emotion. It's about how we live in society and who's responsible for what. This is America, it's advanced citizenship and we need voters who think critically, and don't just respond emotionally.

On Fri, May 23, 2008 at 1:09 PM, (Name and Email Removed) wrote:

Thanks for the support. I have nothing against homosexuals, but it seems that they have problems with laws supporting normal marriages. Once these laws supporting the "normal" marriages, you really don't have much basis to prevent polygamy, bestiality, incestuous and all kinds of multiple partnerships. In countries where such marriage supporting laws have collapsed you have people marrying their cats, dogs, and few people adamant about marrying their own daughters these days.

Peace,
(Name Removed)

On Fri, May 23, 2008 at 3:00 PM, (Name and Email Removed) wrote:

Sorry, I am in support of this law so I won't be signing the petition.

(Name Removed)

On Fri, May 23, 2008 at 11:35 AM, (Name and Email Removed) wrote:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: (Name and Email Removed)
Date: Fri, May 23, 2008 at 1:37 AM
Subject: Fwd: Help me stop the California anti-marriage ruling
To:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Grassfire.net Services <alert@grassfire.net>
Date: Fri, May 23, 2008 at 12:29 AM
Subject: Help me stop the California anti-marriage ruling
To:


+ + + +
(Name), thanks for signing the petition! Please
forward this message to your friends and ask them to join you.
Thanks again! -- Liberty Counsel
+ + + +


I just signed a petition supporting an emergency suspension of
California's outrageous court ruling that sanctioned homosexual
marriage. Same-sex marriage licenses will be issued by June 15 at
the latest. We have very little time to stop this ruling. Please go
here to sign:

http://www.grassfire.net/189/petition.asp?PID=16628370&NID=1

Ms. (Name Removed)

--
Sola Gratia.
(Name Removed)

Deflation...it ain't just a category for balloons

Um, yeah. I was searching for a word to describe my feelings yesterday and I discovered it. Deflated. I am getting some feedback on my work that is entirely deflating. I don't know what to do about it. I don't tend to be without self-assurance, it's more like I'm losing heart. I feel discouraged and deflated. I think I'm engaging in the way I need to be, but then I have to sit there and hear commentary on my process that doesn't engage personally with it.

I feel misunderstood and the worst part is that there's no avenue for me to respond. I hate being misunderstood and I hate feeling ineffectual. It's the worst.

What do I do with these feelings in a society that doesn't want to hear the sad, bad and angry? In a society that doesn't take time to lament?

mehwege, mehwege...

It is again a summer of weddings...I would say 2004 and 2005 were the most wedding-filled summers for me and this one's giving those two a run for their money.

So in honor of another summer of weddings...here's a song that reminds me of love...a little gift to you...:)

I was really unhappy

My friend Ann made the comment a couple of weeks ago that I used to get and quit jobs quite frequently in the interim 4 years between when I graduated from UCI and started at Fuller. After our talk, I was thinking about this statement, because I don't like to be someone who lives life like that. But it's the truth. I think after graduation and until Sept 2007, I had 6 different jobs. Granted, one or two of them conveniently forgot to give me a paycheck, so I was justified in leaving them in the lurch. And one of them I stayed at for 14 months until I started grad school the first time in Fall of 2005. And another I stayed at from Feb 2007 to March 2008, because I liked the company and they were good to me.

But what she said was still hard to hear. I don't want to be a quitter. And I don't think I am in my heart of hearts. I realized the reason I kept quitting is I was really unhappy with my "work life" in that season. And the reason I know I'm supposed to pursue a Master's and potentially a Ph.D. is because school is the only thing that I've ever been passionate enough about to be committed to for the long haul. In undergrad, I had a whole host of things deter me from finishing. I got really sick and had to withdraw for one quarter. I had living situation changes. I worried at times how my tuition would get paid. But I knew I was supposed to do it and I didn't let those things make me give up.

The same is true here at Fuller. In this first year alone, I've moved twice. I had serious roommate drama. I worked 35 hours a week and took full-time classes. I got in a major car accident. The CT scan found a "space" in my brain. I had to have an MRI. I helped coordinate a conference in Anaheim. I went through a lot of frustration being patronized by some male classmates. I took 8am classes four days a week. I ran out of money again and again. And somewhere in there I had to make space to sleep, read, write papers and spend time with my friends. And yet, I'm committed to it. I will finish this Spring's Finals week, I will complete two more years of this and I will graduate. I know it. I know it because turning around and retreating is not an option. I must advance.

And as I thought about my propensity to quit those awful jobs (one of which was, I kid you not, typing voicemails down for 9 hours a day, voicemails from people facing foreclosure, so depressing!) I realized that maybe that was a good thing. I knew in my soul it just wasn't enough. I would never be happy sitting at a desk all week letting my brain rot. I just couldn't do it. And while I had some interesting work at times and lots of nice people at times, it just wasn't me. I knew I was made for more. And I don't know if I'd say this is the more, but it's closer. There aren't as many fun free corporate meals, but it's at least 80% engaging. And we get summer vacation.

Ultimately, it must be what I'm called to, because it's the only thing I won't quit.

Jesus makes everything backwards

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

Sometimes I look around and it seems like people really have their lives together. And it never really seems like I do. I'm almost always a day late and a dollar short. I have no idea how people manage to buy a house or take care of a baby when I can barely get myself to class on time. Granted, I often take on too much stuff, as in the case of this quarter, when I have 4 classes that are doing me in. I'm certain I will feel much much better when all the papers are written and I can get back to a normal sleeping routine of 6 plus hours a night. But in the meantime, I'm taking breaks by finding out what people in my world are doing. A person I used to know is graduating from med school and another person I just met is in a successful career. And in the moment right before I was about to start envying them, I remembered that they're not in love with Jesus. Their lives may appear satisfying on the outside and maybe they are on the inside when they stop to think about that, but ultimately their hope is in that thing they're achieving and I guess it makes sense then that they'd better milk it for all it's worth cause that's pretty much it.

Sometimes I'm awed that I really made the choices I've made. I will never be rich from them, and 99% of people will always think what I do is weird-slash-confusing. But somehow God got me to a place where that's okay and what's important is being true to myself as little as possible, so he can get me to do crazy and foolish things for him. I love him for that. For making everything backwards.

And I don't love him for that because secretly I'm rubbing my fingers together and scheming for the day when last will be first and I'll finally get my desserts, I'm just making friends with the idea that I do this thing and I look genuinely foolish and unwise to the world and even to myself most of the time and yet I know completely that this is my place. It's not completely fun, (in fact it's a whole lot of not-fun right now) but it's completely right. Right-side, up-side down-side. It's right.

And I'm happy to sell all I have to stay right here, where I don't necessarily want to be. In this small uncomely space. Where Jesus can force-undo all the ways I've learned to want. And need. And envy. And greed - for success and wealth and happiness that are not mine to have.

I have to remember that she is no fool who gives what she cannot keep to gain what she cannot lose.

I have to remember Shealtiel.

Hmm

"When you meet the friendliest people you have ever known,
who introduce you to the most loving group of people you've ever encountered,
and you find the leader to be the most inspired, caring,
compassionate and understanding person you've ever met,
and then you learn that the cause of the group
is something you never dared hope could be accomplished,
and all of this sounds too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true!
Don't give up your education, your hopes and ambitions, to follow a rainbow."

Jeanne Mills,
former member of the People's Temple and subsequent victim of assassination a year
following the November 18, 1978 Jonestown suicides/murders
of 911 adults and children.

Pink trim

Last week my uncle told me that when I was born, my dad painted the trim on our house pink in honor of the occasion.

That is all... and that has made all the difference...

the Holy Spirit in the Old Testament

I was in a bible study my sophomore year in college. When I consider how I arrived here at seminary, I remember that bible study as containing one of the formative moments in my destiny to arrive at theological studies.

That we attempted to study the Bible I look back and realize was an audacious decision. That I personally desired to really look at what it says, I reflect now, was an audacious personal decision.

This bible study was led by a Campus Crusade staff member and I remember one session when our discussion of a New Testament scripture (I think we were studying Philippans) brought up the question: Did the Holy Spirit exist in the Old Testament? Reflecting now on this question, I also see inherent in it the questions: Did the Trinity exist in the Old Testament? How do we conclude the existence of the Trinity even in the New Testament? Does the "us" in Genesis refer to the Father and Son, without the Holy Spirit? Which person of the Trinity is preeminent?

But nonetheless, the question posed was: Did the Holy Spirit exist in the Old Testament? I know it was this because I have pondered it again and again in confusion over the years.

I'm not sure what the various arguments for or against this idea were, but I remember that I upset our leader by being truly interested in investigating this issue. For a long time, I looked back on that moment with equal parts frustration and chagrin, knowing that I wanted to be perceived as of course desiring genuine Christian love and unity amongst us, while sincerely wanting to examine the arguments around this issue. To this leader, my eagerness to pursue the issue meant I was willing to divide the group, or at least relinquish the sensitive balance of unity we had amongst us.

This morning I took a midterm that asked for examples of the Trinity in the Old Testament. My school allows for multiple sincere interpretations of this doctrine, including denying the doctrines existence in the Old Testament, by Christians of good faith. We were not asked to conclude whether the Trinity existed "back then" from the suggestions of it in the Old Testament, but at an initial critical level, to consider the evidence for it.

While I was probably not mature enough in my sophomore year to express this idea; that's what I really wanted. I didn't want us to conclude, but I did want us to consider it. Consider all the angles and evidence for the idea.

One of things I've been thinking about lately is that I tend to care more about the heart of sincerity over the exactness of being right about theological matters. Therefore, I never would have thought of myself as someone interested in attending seminary. Also, I've never seen myself as someone particularly interested in the nuances for instance of the Greek word "power" in the New Testament (on which topic I just read a delightfully detailed and lengthy book) or other minute matters of exegesis.

However, I do think these matters are important to consider and discuss, even if we don't agree or are not able to come to conclusion on them. And I'm at the right school because I'm realizing I don't need to sacrifice my heart, that desires genuine loving fellowship, in order to approach these issues with a critical mind.

I present this evidence that you might arrive at the conclusion I've arrived at today...
God is good.
And more specifically, He's good to me.

Mouw on the Pope

A Papal Discussion: On Faith and Human Rights

Reading Mouw's latest offerings on Catholic/Protestant ethics.

Something that comes to mind as I read this is an old phrase I heard once, probably on a crime show:
What do we think?
What do we know?
What can we prove?

I know that's a very rational way to evaluate the blog and the Pope's visit, but I fall back to it because I think this kind of visit often attracts so much conjecture and emotive response from critics and ordinary thinkers. I think it's important to go back to the facts when there's a lot of that and try to remember that "he who is not against us is for us".

I'm living in the Old Testament

I went to visit my dad Sunday night. He's building a second home on his property so he can move into it and tear down and then rebuild his main home. It's crazy. The new main home will have a gym and sauna and two offices, one with 250 degrees of views of the ocean. I can't believe we are related. It's seriously like the parables in the NT of the man who build a big house. My dad's house is being built solidly, (not on sand like the parable) but ultimately when it's all done, what will he have? A place to live that's not all that different than the current house. I'm not sure what to think. It's this huge investment in getting something customized to their taste, but it's simply not something I would invest that much money in. I can't believe how guilty I will feel sometimes when I spend an extra $15 at Ross and ijn comparison my dad is spending hordes of money on this new house. I don't really have an opinion on it yet, I'm still not sure if I think it's a good idea or not. But either way, it's happening.

Women and the Church and Me

So I've been having some thoughts. I'm currently without church. I'm significantly more worried about this than most of my friends, who I tell this to and they immediately say, but you've got so much church around you all the time. Which is true. I am not without friends, support, etc. If I tried to become a monk or a Buddhist, no doubt there would be a line at my front door. It seems as though as much as I try, my church comes to me, not the other way around.

Therefore, since I am without church, I'm on a quest looking for church. I've tried many. But mostly I run into some main problems. One, women are not allowed to teach. (Hence, they probably won't be psyched that I'm going to seminary or psyched to help me grow into pastoring.) Two, they have some crazy beliefs. Like they think God wants us to be rich. Or they think women should read books like: "Biblical Womanhood In the Home." Hm, that's not very subtle. Are you sensing a theme here? I'm not sure what to do.

Was RockHarbor okay with women pastoring? I think so. And for some ways that they stuck to conservative interpretations on things like communion, that's a little hermeneutical leap they took on women. What with us being half the human race, I'm glad they jumped. A happy leap for me. But alas, I'm looking for some churches around here that will take the leap. And I'm afraid all I'll find is ones where I'm shamed for taking up a perfectly good spot a man could have in seminary. Boo.

Agony

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."— Maya Angelou

I was condescended to today. It took me a while to figure out what was going on. It was one of those moments when at first I didn't know what was going on and then I thought I was being mean with my reaction, and then I realized that I needed to respond to the condescension. It was one of those times when you think the person is being nice and then you realize that the person is just being nice for themselves.

It reminded me of this quote:

"If you've come here to help me, please leave. If you've come here because your liberation is tied to my own, then let's work together."

Stuff White People Like

Stuff White People Like

OMG, this is the funniest blog I've read in a long time. I personally am 26 and white, I know because I've been going through some medical stuff and I put White under race on the clipboard.

This list is frighteningly accurate, especially here in Pasadena. My favorites are
#3, #6, #8, #27, #28, #44, #48...wait, you know what?

I love them ALL!!

READ it and LAUGH!

It's good for your indoor-living, processed-food eating, generally inferior soul.