Body by Jake or Body by God?

So today I stopped into my local Borders to find some new reading. I picked up three books from the fiction table and then wandered over to my favorite place in any big-box bookstore. The Christian Living/Religion/Christian Inspiration section. I paged through Jesus of Suburbia by Mike Erre before this title caught my eye: Body by God. I kid you not, it's the EXACT same cover as Body for Life (in case you don't know, it was a hit diet/exercise book circa 2003-2004. I only know because my roommate at the time bought it and it was always lying around. I think the big draw was something about 4-minute workouts.) Anyway, it's distinctive (ahem, rip-off) cover caught my attention, so I flipped over to the back and received this little gem:

"Your body is by God. God preprogrammed you to look great, have outrageous health and experience incredible happiness."

Seriously? Because I've actually read the Bible and I was immediately reminded of a couple of key verses from that important Book, such as:

He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. - Isaiah 53:2 (NIV)
(And that's the big J, JESUS we're talking about here, folks. Not just some hack like you or me. He was seriously not AT ALL good-looking, and definitely NOT preprogrammed to look great.)

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below." -Exodus 20:4 (NIV)

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. -2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

And although I know Jesus was resigned to going to the Cross for us, I don't think he would have gone so far as describing it as "incredible happiness."

Yeah, I was just pretty much floored. Because Mike Erre was right in his book, most people have apparently never actually read the Gospels...not only that, but I also enjoyed these other gems:

Stress Management - If you are stressed, it's hard to manage, but "Peace by God" is something you can experience by reprogramming the way you look at, and react to, the stress in your life.

(Last time I checked, I didn't see anything about "reprogramming" myself in that chapter about the peace that passes all understanding. I think it just said to pray and give God all my worries.)

Time Management - Double and even quadruple the amount of time you have in a week (it's a MIRACLE!!! Somebody call St. Thomas!) by learning how to "Schedule your life" (wow, did we really need air quotes for that? I think the term schedule your life is fairly ordinary these days) and how you can "Paint solid yellow lines around Time by God." (italics and bold sic)

Wow, I think God will really appreciate us painting those fierce yellow lines around "His" time. I don't know about you, but I drive over those yellow lines on the freeway on pretty much a weekly basis...oops, m-my bad.

You know I have been accused of being a mocker when it comes to cheesy Christian paraphernalia and cheesy Christian culture, and I am trying to love my brothers and sisters despite their penchant for stamping things with fishes, but some things are just screaming out to be mocked...