the family of GOD

I need a family that loves God. If there was one thing I could rewind my life and ask God for before I was born into this world, I would have asked for a family that loved God. That's it. Because I don't have one. And everyday I wake up and I still don't have one. And that means that I think of my spiritual family really as my family, except most of them have these great families (even when they're not even Christian families, sometimes) that they go home to after church and forget about me. But I don't forget about them. I am constantly thinking about them and needing relationship with them. But that's just not realistic to them, even though it is to me. And in that place of wanting it to be realistic, I feel very needy. I don't want to be this needy, but I just am. I need people behind and before me who love God, who hear Him and talk to Him and talk to me about Him. It's necessary to me like breathing. When I don't have it, I start to drown. It's not just that my family doesn't love God, it's that they hate Him. They hate everything about Him and they hate hearing about Him and they hate talking about Him and they hate people who love Him and they hate people who love talking about Him.

Tonight at Rockharbor, God spoke loudly to me. As we sang in response to the message, I couldn't hear the instruments anymore. All I could hear was the sound of all the voices as one, singing to God. And God said so loudly to me, This is the music of heaven for you. When you feel like you are all alone in choosing me, listen to the armies of heaven singing in unison; you have chosen what is better. Listen to the people of the church singing all together. They all know me. They all love me. You won't be alone in heaven.

I have given up a lot to love Jesus. I always say if I had known how hard it would be, I never would have become a Christian. If I had known the trouble I would see, I would have picked another religion. The person of Jesus is dangerous. But I can't deny the truth. When someone asked me, Do you believe this? I said Yes. It just made sense. I can't deny the truth; to do so would be to deny my own existence, my own destiny.