Bird by Bird

So I'm over it. I just am. I can't muster up any excitement about things right now. And somehow, I think God is using the counterintuitiveness of it all to teach me about life. I want my life to go in an upward slant, always climbing toward higher and higher peaks; I have made a life out of seeking God and pursuing knowledge of God and intimacy with Him.

BUT (that's a big but), sometimes life is circular. Sometimes it goes down one lane and that lane has a sign posted: Not a Through Street and I have to follow life back out that street and take a left to the next stop on the way.

I don't expect that. God is surprising me. But I'm thankful for it.

Today I drove to work and while I was driving this amazing calm came over me. I realized again how absolutely nothing can separate me from God's love. Nothing I do or don't do can change that He is enthralled me, as a mother is with her baby. I am the anxiety queen. I spend hours fretting over things I want to change. I spend nights awake (literally) over mistakes I might have made. My anxiety eats at my brain. I fixate on something I might have screwed up and I suck on it until all the flavor of life is gone. But even in the midst of this thorn in my side, God gives me momentary relief. This morning I saw the mountains. I saw the clouds. I got view. View so wide my eyes can't encompass it. And I remembered. I remembered Eden. Eden. The place I was made for. A safe place.