When you look at me

When you look at me
what do you see?
A face that needs lipstick,
would that be fairer to see?

When you look at me
right into my eyes
I know you can see me
beyond all the lies

We could spend hours
talking about sex
We could spend days
analyzing our best

When time isn't passing
I'm the worst version of me
I want to live so badly
but I silence my scream

My face becomes brittle
My heart becomes hard
And all I can feel
Is one clear glass shard

When my spirit awakes
I can hear your breath
Still I walk through the valley
With the shadows of death

I'm living, not learning
The lessons I need
I'm striving for something
I can't even see

I want to break free
From the time that oppressed
But every waking moment
Is one more little death

How can I walk
into swamps of the past?
And not observe fully
the dark agents of wrath?

I aim for the sky
I kick off from my feet
And I rage at the darkness
That all-consumes me

I swim into waters
Too troubled for me
I wish for a newness
That I can't receive

If I mask my face
I surrender my vibrance
To the grayness and middleness
Of the fallacy's dance

Into my body
Comes a great peace
And Christ comes out swinging
Turning tables into heaps

I want so much more
Than this life has for me
But how can I be
Someone other than me?