The Evidence for Heaven?

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
- Dr. Seuss

Oh, Dr. Seuss...how you nurtured me in childhood and how you are nurturing me still. Someone had this attached to an email I received and it's so apropos for this night. I guess I created a little bit of a maelstrom tonight at our Experiment meeting. I didn't mean to. I just sat there and when they asked the question, I felt like I should be Christian and honest at the same time. So I said what I felt and was who I am.

And the problem is this: I am someone who doesn't really "believe" in heaven. I believe in life and the earth and that it's all real and Jesus and his father God exist and that Jesus was born and that he died and was resurrected. But my faith doesn't really encompass heaven. I mean, of course, I believe God when he says things are true, so if he says there's a heaven, I take him at His word, because I believe in my head that the Bible things will come true. But truly honestly in my soul I doubt it. And there are so many ways I want to justify this to people, because Christians freak out when I tell the truth about this. But I don't want to be a liar. I don't want to pretend I believe it, because I did that for a long time and it didn't get me any closer to believing in it.

Being honest however has actually gotten some results.

The first time I said this out loud, the response was my life group co-leader just offering me total understanding and acceptance. True grace.

The second time out loud, my new life group got a little silent and then they rallied around me. We were assigned to address each other's doubts, and my person got me a video entitled, The Evidence for Heaven. It kind of freaked me out because it was mostly about near-death experiences and if you know me well, you know I have a phobia of any kind of what I've recently come to term "Irregular Anatomical Activity." I'm really sensitive to it, so this pretty much even includes photos of hospitals. Not to mention the title, which was preposterous. The Evidence for Heaven; it's like saying The Evidence for Leprechauns. If something is invisible and totally unprovable, there is no evidence for it. Duh. That's the whole concept of faith. I have faith in Jesus and his resurrection this way. And I believe it. In my gut of guts, I KNOW that he really was all dead and then three days later he got up, took a deep breath and walked out of the tomb.

The third time I said this out loud was tonight and I guess the third time's a charm because I learned something significant tonight. I and other concerned citizens of the church have been worried about what I mis-believe when maybe I (and we) should focus more on what I do believe instead. For instance, tonight it occurred to me that I do believe in the resurrection of the body. I really do see Jesus/God coming back and resurrecting our fallen selves to new life. I can see my new body floating around here on earth and being perfected by His love. So that's something.

I feel bad that I freaked everyone out and I hope that people will still give me a chance.