I think Match.com is a right-wing conspiracy...

Yes, oh yes, I do. And I bet you'll never believe how I can connect the two, but I can. Because those left-wingers are all about taxing everyone to give to the needy, (supposably, right?) and the right-wingers are all about having people pull themselves up by their boot-straps (righty?) and I have to say that my only gut response to perfectly respectable, possibly even Christian guys that keep emailing me from Match is, It's just too much work. Oh my goodness!

You winked at me?!?! Wow, how special am I?! And then you want me to wink back, ok I get that. But I just don't have this kind of time. Wink, wink back, email a short note: "How are you?" "Great, how are you?" "Whatcha doin?" "Nothing, what are you doing?" (Oh my god, I'm already suicidal.) "Do you like pasta?" "Yeah, I love pasta." "Me too!!!!" Wow, we're made for each other. Come on, we live in a country run by Dr. Atkins and the South Beach Diet, pasta is like crack cocaine. And this my friends is upon what two people are supposed to build a relationship. An actual relationship, where hands are supposed to be held and care is supposed to be given and god forbid, babies made. Pasta just ain't gonna do it. And neither are posed pictures of you from just the right angle to hide your zits and the rest of your body. (Not to MENTION the pictures these guys post of themselves in their BVDs. Please! Do you see me strutting around in my bra?!) We're not even past the pasta question yet. Let's be appropriate.

And the whole thing just makes me tired, which is why after 2 hours of laughs, I cut off all connections with that monstrous thing. I guess some people would think I should be flattered by getting virtually winked at so much, but #1) EW! and #2) I just don't have that kind of time. I just don't have that kind of energy. If I'm going to pull myself up by my bootstraps, it's going to be for something with actual benefit. Not for cheesy lines. Not when there are episodes of Gilmore Girls in the world to be watched. Dream on.