So, the Internet is a trip. And I mean that in the fondest way possible. I was perusing myspace pages last night (well actually, this morning) and checkin' out the people that supposedly graduated high school with me in good ol' 99, and for fun it turns out that people I actually knew were listed. Which took me back down memory lane a little and tempted me to post on one myspace: "Aren't you sad I wouldn't date you? Hope you like my picture." (Okay, I am going straight to hell, I already know that! But if YOU were honest, you probably have those thoughts sometimes.) Which brings me to the title (and point) of this post. The first time I used Google Earth to zoom in on my house and my friend's houses, I almost tripped. You can literally see my car sitting in the driveway, and the state of my lawn. And anyone, anywhere in the world can look at it. Going through the profiles of people who I hung with in high school was a similarly omniscient experience. I think it is particularly salient for me because I am not the kind of person who ever looks back. When I move on from a place, a friendship, a life phase, I am done. Granted, it takes me a lot to get there. But once the decision is made, I don't look back. Not for a second. While I do hold on to quality friendships and believe in sticking it out when it's worth it, I really think life is about pushing forward, to different places, people and experiences. I know the past affects me, but I think I am learning to let the chaff fall away and experience the now without as much baggage. Once I decided to choose startling clarity on who I am as the goal, I was so much less worried about what people would think of me and much more worried about being in relationships, male and female, with people who respect me and love me for being a person who struggles with wrong and right, who is sometimes awkwardly and embarrassingly trying to follow Jesus, even when it looks silly and backwards to others. When I am looking at these pictures of people that had such power over me, such sway with my emotions and how their lives are still in the same cycle of insane self-fulfillment, I am 1) so glad I never dated them and 2) so grateful to Jesus for helping me figure out how to serve a master worth serving.
(Oh yeah, and there's nothing like looking at pictures of someone's college musical theater debut or their flashy major of "Food Service Management" to prove that the cool kids didn't really have it all that much together compared to the rest of us.)
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