Look Inside My Heart

If you looked inside my heart you would see all the love I have. I especially want you to know how deeply I take the importance of who you are, and who I am when I am with you. Growing up in a tumultuous family, I needed people who would think I am fabulous. Who would think I have something to add to the conversation of life. As I was pondering the cosmos last night, I realized how much I appreciate that relationships are a one-time experience. Since we are all constantly evolving as people, we are only our "now" selves for one space of time, and we can only know the "now" of someone else for a period of time. And I certainly appreciate that I have people in my life now who have grown and changed with me, who have let me change, let me become more of myself. But some of my most interesting relationships are those that didn't last, that were only for a time, and no one can fully understand from the outside how two people are together, what feelings, dynamics and sparks happen between the two, what sins are done, what drama occurs just between the two. And I am discovering that this is why people fall in love. Because light has a spectrum that is unique, every spark of light has a specific unique place on the spectrum, shaped by a million tiny factors and one day your spark and their sparks just match and they light a match, and a flame begins. I used to say I didn't get falling in love, but I think I get it now. I used to say I didn't get marriage, and I think I get it now, because when you find that person whose spark fits your spark of light, you want the sparks to be together forever, to make a beautiful glowing light that will never fade.