A girl came to a trusted friend and asked the friend if and how she should go about forgiving her father, who raped her. She was told that she should ask for his forgiveness. Sometimes, I just want to clobber well-meaning, well-intentioned people who say things that totally twist what the Bible says. People who are robbed, raped, assaulted are not responsible to apologize to those who have harmed them. When someone who has been so traumatized by one of these events feels that they want to offer forgiveness to the one who sinned against them, it is not them getting up on any pedestal above the perpetrator to be prideful. It is simply a sign that they have a heart to find reconciliation, and because of the church, they know that it must come through forgiveness of some kind. What the victim is really asking is "Is this my fault?" and "Was I responsible for part of this?" What they need to be told is that no one is ever reponsible for sin committed against them. And for a trusted person to tell them that it is their fault, or that they need to ask for forgiveness, is grievous sin. Wounds from assault can take a lifetime to heal. A perpetrator and a victim can both find forgiveness in time, but that does not mean the victim needs to forgive the perp right away or ever, if they so choose. For one who has been made powerless, all the power should henceforth be put in their court. I have met no Christian victims who did not al least want to forgive, but a casual and glib announcement of forgiveness is CHEAP GRACE and my God does not dispense cheap grace, so neither should we.