That's right. I have finally found a pet I can stand. And it will live on a stand. In an aquarium. I am getting a fish, the world's most wonderful pet because it doesn't get hair on anything, it's not messy and it doesn't make any noise.
Glory, glory, hallelujah...
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Monday, May 01, 2006
It's Never Too Late
I finally found myself a good strong, sinewy argument to make against the concept of "quiet times." This morning I woke up rested, greeted the day with hope and in the cool gray I sped off to work. After being at work a while, I decided to go to the restroom, where I did some good thinking. (If you can't admit doing some good thinking in the restroom, you're repressed and you need to build a bridge and get over it. I can admit it, and my stock doesn't go down because of it.) So, while in the restroom, the negative church ladies in my head started shaking their fingers at me and saying, "You rushed off toward your day, without a second to pray." (I think this may be some schmaltzy awful Christian saying I heard once. I think I'm quoting it wrong.) It's not that anything was particularly wrong, I just all of a sudden started to feel this certain guilt that nothing would go right because I hadn't prayed. And let's check the scoreboard here:
# of times I have done a "quiet time" in the morning EVER: zero
# of times I can directly relate this to the disasters that occurred in the course of the day: also zero
And in the midst of the church ladies beginning to argue with each other about why and when I should pray next (why? to ask for forgiveness for not praying before work. when? I should leave work, drive directly to a monastery and get on my knees on top of some thick gravel and stay there for at least 3 hours. ) So in the midst of their arguing, the still small voice of Jesus came through and said, "Wait, it's never too late." "You can pray right now, right here in the bathroom. I don't need your hour when you wake up anymore than I want you in the bathroom. In the oddest and most difficult times, that's where I am. When you are freaking out, when your head is pounding in pain, when you want to cry. That's when I want you to call to me. We are in love, and what is our love if you won't tell me what's wrong and let me kiss it and make it better. It's never too late because I am in the bathroom. I am with you and thinking of you wherever you go. And you're a little pipsqueak human, so you can't think of me all the time, you just don't have that capacity, but I am always thinking of you. My attention is so fully on you all the time. And all I want is for you to look up once in a while and tell me in your own words what's going on. So I will know that you know that I am here listening and watching. I listen and watch with love, all the time."
"No matter how long it's been, I've been watching and listening the whole time. And it's never too late to talk to me. I'm here. Now and forever."
Really. He said all that. In the bathroom. At like 9:42am or something. Our God really is awesome.
# of times I have done a "quiet time" in the morning EVER: zero
# of times I can directly relate this to the disasters that occurred in the course of the day: also zero
And in the midst of the church ladies beginning to argue with each other about why and when I should pray next (why? to ask for forgiveness for not praying before work. when? I should leave work, drive directly to a monastery and get on my knees on top of some thick gravel and stay there for at least 3 hours. ) So in the midst of their arguing, the still small voice of Jesus came through and said, "Wait, it's never too late." "You can pray right now, right here in the bathroom. I don't need your hour when you wake up anymore than I want you in the bathroom. In the oddest and most difficult times, that's where I am. When you are freaking out, when your head is pounding in pain, when you want to cry. That's when I want you to call to me. We are in love, and what is our love if you won't tell me what's wrong and let me kiss it and make it better. It's never too late because I am in the bathroom. I am with you and thinking of you wherever you go. And you're a little pipsqueak human, so you can't think of me all the time, you just don't have that capacity, but I am always thinking of you. My attention is so fully on you all the time. And all I want is for you to look up once in a while and tell me in your own words what's going on. So I will know that you know that I am here listening and watching. I listen and watch with love, all the time."
"No matter how long it's been, I've been watching and listening the whole time. And it's never too late to talk to me. I'm here. Now and forever."
Really. He said all that. In the bathroom. At like 9:42am or something. Our God really is awesome.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Every day is a winding road...
you get a little bit closer, to feeling fine...
I feel fine today. It was Sunday, or still is, and I spent a lovely day shopping and reading at the park. And I finished my book, so I went back to the bookstore and got another one by the same author. Cause she is amazing. Her writing is like gossamer wings. Which is a really tired simile, but true in this case. It is translucent webbing that looks flimsy, but is surprisingly strong and visceral. And every so often, something glints and you see the most amazing shapes of iridescence in the light.
Was reading: Range of Motion by Elizabeth Berg.
Currently reading: Things We Keep by Elizabeth Berg.
And now I am going out for sushi! Ta-ta.
I feel fine today. It was Sunday, or still is, and I spent a lovely day shopping and reading at the park. And I finished my book, so I went back to the bookstore and got another one by the same author. Cause she is amazing. Her writing is like gossamer wings. Which is a really tired simile, but true in this case. It is translucent webbing that looks flimsy, but is surprisingly strong and visceral. And every so often, something glints and you see the most amazing shapes of iridescence in the light.
Was reading: Range of Motion by Elizabeth Berg.
Currently reading: Things We Keep by Elizabeth Berg.
And now I am going out for sushi! Ta-ta.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Fights and Fun
Fights and fun? Yes, fights and fun. Because every day needs a little F-flavored alliteration...
Well, the fight part wasn't lovely. A friend o' mine decided she'd rather have a pet rock than me, to put it exactly, she would like to be friends but only if I promise to be silent whenever she has something to say. I figure if you want that, you can talk to your cat, cause it certainly won't talk back, but I am human and I get to be 100% of my half of a relationship. Really I'm not that bothered by it, we are all crazy and sometimes we get our goo on each other. I have faith that it will be resolved somehow and I am ok if it never is, too. But this whole thing just makes me think about how we are all broken people. Every single damned one of us. And sometimes we want to use each other and sometimes we use each other without even knowing it and it's so hard for us to just accept each other; to become large enough in our own hearts to make room for someone else to be who they are. Without becoming enmeshed. Without putting a lock on that guest room we are letting them live in and demanding payment for their stay. And I know which are the truly holy and healthy relationships I have been in because they are like rubberbands around me and that person, holding us together in love, but loose enough to stretch, to allow us both to be our own selves, to like different things, to disagree and yet love. To give us space to be individual and time to be in that space so that we will again long to be in relationship. Although I know so few good marriages, I think this is one of the keys to them. That balance of oneness as a marriage and oneness as individuals. That room to go out apart from each other and find one's self again. In finding one's self, you find that part of your self that is you alone, that part that was attractive to the other person in the first place. A relationship cannot survive this world with all of its stumbling blocks without giving each person room. Room to breathe and room to grow more fully into a whole individual, two whole individuals that can be more than the sum of their parts.
Fun...The fun is coming. I am going to an Angels game on Saturday and a Ducks game on Monday and I'm just thrilled. Bring on the team sports and the screaming fans and the beer and the drunk fans and the peanuts. And I think some dancing may be thrown into the weekend also. Weeeee!
Catch ya on the flipside.
This post was brought to you by the letter F.
Well, the fight part wasn't lovely. A friend o' mine decided she'd rather have a pet rock than me, to put it exactly, she would like to be friends but only if I promise to be silent whenever she has something to say. I figure if you want that, you can talk to your cat, cause it certainly won't talk back, but I am human and I get to be 100% of my half of a relationship. Really I'm not that bothered by it, we are all crazy and sometimes we get our goo on each other. I have faith that it will be resolved somehow and I am ok if it never is, too. But this whole thing just makes me think about how we are all broken people. Every single damned one of us. And sometimes we want to use each other and sometimes we use each other without even knowing it and it's so hard for us to just accept each other; to become large enough in our own hearts to make room for someone else to be who they are. Without becoming enmeshed. Without putting a lock on that guest room we are letting them live in and demanding payment for their stay. And I know which are the truly holy and healthy relationships I have been in because they are like rubberbands around me and that person, holding us together in love, but loose enough to stretch, to allow us both to be our own selves, to like different things, to disagree and yet love. To give us space to be individual and time to be in that space so that we will again long to be in relationship. Although I know so few good marriages, I think this is one of the keys to them. That balance of oneness as a marriage and oneness as individuals. That room to go out apart from each other and find one's self again. In finding one's self, you find that part of your self that is you alone, that part that was attractive to the other person in the first place. A relationship cannot survive this world with all of its stumbling blocks without giving each person room. Room to breathe and room to grow more fully into a whole individual, two whole individuals that can be more than the sum of their parts.
Fun...The fun is coming. I am going to an Angels game on Saturday and a Ducks game on Monday and I'm just thrilled. Bring on the team sports and the screaming fans and the beer and the drunk fans and the peanuts. And I think some dancing may be thrown into the weekend also. Weeeee!
Catch ya on the flipside.
This post was brought to you by the letter F.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I Cut My Hair
I cut my hair and that is always a milepost. I can always look back and know what the year was like based on what length and style my hair was. Last year, right around May 10th or so, I got a gnarly bad haircut that brought me close to tears and I had it fixed by a lovely woman named Snow who made it hip and edgy. She did all this on a Friday night at 8:00 and it blessed my life. And that haircut made a difference in how the entire year, and possibly all the time up till now turned out. I learned when I was 16 that as a woman a significant portion of my life would always be inextricably tangled up in what kind of hair covered my head. Boys like blonds with long hair, so I chopped all of mine off. It took me a lot of personal growth to let it grow back and accept my own head, and along with, the fear of being dangerous that has been written on my soul.
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