Thursday

Thursday is a great day. On morning radio shows they say if you can just get past Wednesday, you'll slide into the weekend. But I think Thursday is truly the best day of the week. On Thursday I don't have to pack a lunch for the next day or find corporate clothes to wear (Yay for casual Fridays!) and I usually get paid, like I will tomorrow. On Thursday you aren't in the promised land yet, but you can smell it and taste it. On Thursday the smoke of freedom is rising and you can see the emerald city a ways off. You know that Friday you will get there, but it's like the early morning when things haven't quite revved up for business yet. As someone who lives for the anticipation of blessings, I like to get excited about the reward before I get it. I like Thursday because I find enjoyment in the anticipation of Friday and the weekend.

After Many Requests

After very many requests, I have finally acquiesced and here is my new rockstar haircut!

The Dawn Will End the Night

After work yesterday, I went to my favorite place in the world. It's a Secret Garden. Seriously, it is this actual walled-in garden with beautiful little windy paths through the bushes and an old fountain and birds and it's lovely in a magical kind of way. You almost think the birds will start talking to you or little gnomes will wander out from under a tree stump. So I sat on this little bench under a trellis of hanging vines that were shading me and I finished the book. And it ended up being quite hopeful and lovely, almost more so because she goes so deep into the reality and rawness of pain for so much of the book. The breaking of the dawn of hope in the book is so much more exquisite because of the wreckage and damage we have been wading through to get there. I wonder if this will be true of my life here on earth. Will I get to that exquisite, fresh place? Or will I have to wait until heaven?

One of the sweetest parts of the book was the afterword and the acknowledgements, which is unusual. But right there in the thank yous, was a note "to Andrew: thanks for Psalm 88." Wow. The signs there are just too much to handle. I never knew that anyone else knew about that Psalm. Once I told a girl that it was my favorite Psalm and she went home and read it and the next time I saw her she looked at me like I belonged in a psych ward. She still brings it up to this day. Read it if you get a chance. When I begin to doubt that Jesus ever really felt the pain I have felt, when I think of the Passion movie (which I hated) and how his pain looks simpler, less complicated and easier than my pain, I read that and I remember that He felt all of my pain because He lives in me. His pain prior to the cross maybe was less complicated, but He felt mine when He was with me in it. He knows the violation and even still to this day He knows the residue it has left on me.

And the ending of the book made me think of the last line of this song by Van Morrison...

Feel the angel of the present
In the mighty crystal fire
Lift me up consume my darkness
Let me travel even higher

I'm a dweller on the threshold
As I cross the burning ground
Let me go down to the water
Watch the great illusion drown

I'm a dweller on the threshold
And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness
I don't want to wait no more

I'm gonna turn and face the music
The music of the spheres
Lift me up consume my darkness
When the midnight disappears

I will walk out of the darkness
And I'll walk into the light
And I'll sing the song of ages
That the dawn will end the night

Stumbling

I'm currenty reading Stumbling Toward Faith by Renee Altson. I read the first half last night and then couldn't get to sleep. I kept hearing clicking noises like someone was coming in to get me. I know it was just my ceiling fan and my paranoia, but it was still terrifying. Also I am home alone this week. Only after perusing the site today did I see the disclaimer: please note that this (excerpt) could be triggering to others who have been abused. Well, thanks for the warning. Even if you haven't been abused this book is disturbing and yet beautiful in its intensity. Anyway, I will only read it at lunch today and then I'll be fine by the time bedtime rolls around. The whole episode made me realize that even though I knew I was safe, the danger is not "out there", it comes from inside me. There will always be the residue of these wounds on my soul, and there will always be little physical reminders of how I am scarred. My birthday this year was another instance of this...I can rationalize and cling to God's wisdom that everything will be fine and embrace His freedom from despair, but there will always be this anxious residue on my soul. Because in a way others may never know, I know that the world will never be completely safe for me.

A $2000 Armani Suit

Quote of the Day:

It is wonderful when you have a man in a $2000.00 Armani suit lecturing the lower classes about the true meaning of Christ's teachings.

This was a post responding to an article about Jeb Bush (Gov. of Florida) promoting a Christian-based program for schools. See the article here.

Arby's

You knew it was coming, didn't you? An entire post devoted to that wonderful place that I can't get enough of...Arby's. And you're probably thinking I went there today, because I could go there everyday, but I didn't. I thought about going there for lunch, but instead I went downstairs to the cafe for a sandwich. Because I have had the kind of week where I probably want to do as little as possible to invite more complications. The reason I thought of Arby's today is because I work in a large office building, but for some reason we still get residential junk mail with our postal mail. And Arby's coupons come in the mail, which is a total bonus for me and Jill, because we love Arby's. Nothing is as yummy as Arby's when you just need something simple and yet tasty. I'm a girl who can definitely appreciate a filet mignon, I had my first one on my birthday and it rocked, but Arby's is just a special place. So there it is, I am taking up internet space to honor a fast-food chain. Yup, I'm officially off my rocker...